it grips, the sense of insufficiency.
really really hard.


3 years ago, of the same, all exhausted and bummed out, but with 3 pink roses for the 3 days gone.
2 years ago, of the same, just enlisted and the nightly 10pm phone calls.
1 year ago, of the same, hostile and cold and cruel.
this year, of the same, civil; not close.

the chord book of praises and worship speaks of the apple strudel and the little poodle. speaks of memory with each strum, speaks of affectionate teases.

the christmas-es, the fun.

3 years ago, of the same. all coy and sneaky. the guitar dedication, the neverending little surprises.
2 years ago, of the same. kinda lonely, yet loved.
1 year ago, of the same. all snowy in a faraway land. the choice to abandon for others, the selfish choice, the choice for freedom, for kin, but not for love.
this year, of the same. civil; not close.


this is why,
i'm leaving on a jet plane.

will You empower me, because i cant do this myself.
not one bit, not at all.



this is why, i dont like looking at christmas lights.
did you know?

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.