its been like, 2-3 days since.


the only reason why i'm a little better is because of all the pressure i'm under. to finish all the work i have to finish.

i spent quite a long time clearing out my whole hotmail inbox.
getting to the pages of long ago, there were many old emails that were so so old you'd never believe they were written.

emails from happier, more innocent times.
emails of "drowning haha" and emails of "corny bio allusions"
the very first email, to the very last one where the joint acct came about.

the stark difference.
i wonder how i could ever bring it all back again.


-




how could i live without You,
how could i survive without Your love,
without Your touch, You're the one that heals me
that cleanses my heart, and sets me free.

-

it becomes, increasing difficult.
besides, i've got to live up to everyone's expectations of me.
which, actually, isnt as bad as living up to my own expectations of me.

-

wifey thanks for everything.
its so heart warming to always receive a msg from you everyday on the little things happening in singapore, the things that keep you going, the things you grow from.
its always so good to discuss what He has taught us for the day, to strengthen and uphold in prayer.


i see the emails.
from everyone, and it makes me really sad because i miss some people so much.
-cow and hannah, the bestest ever girlfriends who are so busy but i know will always be there. meeting up, we'll always grow and grow and grow, and with whom these 7 years of bestfriends will never fade.
-my bestfriend, who knows who i'm talking about. because without you, i wouldnt have felt the extreme of feelings, grown up this much, and learnt to love someone more than myself.
-my uglyflowers(whom i dont think will be reading this) but you guys are special no matter what, and our friendship is something i will always hold close to my heart.
-mydarlinglynn, clearing out my mailbox i saw a sweet mail from u i neve r opened:) for all the times we were extra, our cheapearrings shopping, your bimbotic loveliness and being one of those people who cared about me, loveyou many many for it.
-FIFI! omg i miss all the times we had our teenage craze for you-know-who, our pact to marry you-know-who(LOL) and all the fun we've had together growing up. i miss you girl though we're in the same country now but at opposite ends, i know we'll always always always be good friends.
-and emails from you and you and you, all of which i'm not close to anymore. and you know who you are(if you're reading it cos i highly doubt so) but the reason it hurts so much is because we once shared so much together as friends, and though things have changed, i want you to know that i'd still go to lengths for you, still want the best for you, and still want you all to be happy:)

the sad sad feeling you get from reading all the old mails,
BLAH.



highly inappropriate,
but seriously i dont care because whoever is given this address to read all this, i know(and hope) wont judge me.

because the picture on the wall snapped,
because it no longer gives your heart flips,
because we're all part of a different world now.
my bestfriend, highly missed.
to wonder, whether a different diagnosis would change things.
some sarcasm, which was judged as malicious;
maybe then the diagnosis wouldnt change it.
haha, i call it self-pity, and it mocks itself.
poems, they used to adorn my wall; popped up in every folder in my com, filled my drawers.
little babybellies, little winter melons, little poks, little things that matter.
apple strudel rocked when chilli did.
fries without salt rocked and dry nuggets too.
bus fares seemed extremely expensive, cab rides seemed extra long.
books got too boring, naps got too long.
you fought, you attained impossible.
i will try to fight, because if you can get it, so can i.

dream a little dream of me.
cause you and i both loved, what you and i spoke of.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.