losing it.

-

i wonder if 'subtle insinuation', as claimed, let you see through the previous ones.
'initial euphoria' is a dirty word to me.

my logical mind agrees with everything done.
just not with the way it was carried out.
okay, so thats been apologised for numerous times.
and i can say, i've forgiven. not for you, but for myself.

to read through something so neutral, so without any form of hate or burden, i know the stand you now carry. in a way i'm glad, in a way i fear, in a way i struggle.

sometimes i dont know how to put it. the lack of spite anywhere doesnt mean the change in heart. you get what i mean.

to hear about having your life back. is something that grips yet liberates.
i guess thats when i see your picture on the wall has finally snapped.
thread's broken, passion for art has faded.
something when i so strongly rallied for to ask, something which i now finally see.

people ask whats my stand.
i say, wrong timing, wrong maturity, no growth.
it all adds up.
yet it doesnt mean wrong picture on the wall.

the biggest thing that was mentioned that still struggles.
of cos, like said in it, spilt milk cannot be recovered.
i forgive, at least i try to.
i hope though, what we shared is something you'll always hold close to, as i do.

the analogy, though horribly cruel, was apt.
i admit, i did many selfish things, thinking they were for the best.
i've seen, learnt, and been moulded into a new mindset.
i'm sorry i couldn't be perfect.

somehow no mention was made of cherishing the memory.
maybe then, i shall say here: i would, even if no one else does.

my life has been a rollercoaster, a walk with my Abba, a quiet struggle on its own.
the bittersweet feeling to find out about having "qualities of a dentist" makes me wonder whether i really want it now that i have it. well, of cos the passion hasnt been lost; but to trade what is before and after, i ask myself if it will be more worth it.

today at lecture i learnt about the composition of blood.
and it made me think of the bio poem written amidst the exams. the corny one that got my laughing and cheered up.
it will, always be a part of my life. because i've learnt so much.
and hopefully, one day i'm able to fall all over in love again.

i want to see the same picture reinstated on the wall one day.
with a different thread holding the picture to the wall.
one thats Eternal, one that holds, one that it was built on.

still the same, still as blur as ever,
still as pok, still as whiny.
still in love with my political party(the one you could never understand) and i cheered when my political party leader came on screen that day. lol.
still trying to look more pro(and less bimbotic) since i've to work towards cultivating a professional image for my future career; hence the haircut. that kind of failed(which you probably think so too).
still flabby and unfit, still in love with chem,
still the sentimental shithead, but learning to romance my Abba.




no hard feelings, all the best, all my love.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.